Help me, I need to get rid of this thought NOW?

I have a massive headache and I can't make sense of living anymore!!!!!


I'm fourteen


I don't think I have a mental problem, there is none in my family history that I know of.


I have a nice home and family life. Although, friendship was a challenge for me.


When I hit middle school, I was bullied really bad by a girl who used to be my best friend. She was jealous and wanted me to be upset all the time. I let her win and I spent days upset and hating life.





It ended badly. She is now really really popular and sucks up to everyone. She is really loud. I know the truth but everyone falls for her stupid lies. I moved on and this year I go to a different school. Since she is so popular everyone knows her, so its quite annoying. I have to put up with her everyday at the bus stops and that. She gives me the meanest looks :( we haven't spoken in like two years ;/ and I don't want to ever!





Anyway, I have developed a weird thing where I have these annoying thoughts that come into my mind. They haunt me and make my life miserable. I will try my best to describe the thought, but you will probably think I am a crazy person..I probably am..





I lately have been thinking ';How to start conversations and how they change and why we are talking about this certain topic'; Like lets say we are freezing usually we would say ';Oh its so cold'; but ';Why don't we say something like ';I got my ears pierced..'; like what we say effects our lifes.


This is going on in my head all day, like I forgotten how to socialise and live. Do I talk about the present, past or future. When or where? This is confusing me. Will we ever run out of things to say?


This is so hard, I have headaches and my head is burning. I felt like I was going to faint today and its sad because my new friends at this school, I barely speak to, because I don't know how to be myself. I cry every night and I don't want to live anymore. This thought is ruining me. It also started, with this girl I sit next to everyday in my homeroom in my new middle school. We have to try and get to know each other, but its not working. I can't think of a conversation to start and when I try it ends. I hate it. So I wonder how popular people are always talking and how there is no awkward pauses. Please this is ruining my life, I want to die. Seriously I really do!





:(


Also I want advice, I don't want to speak to anyone.Help me, I need to get rid of this thought NOW?
Sit cross legged on your floor and just relax. Allow yourself to lean forward and just breathe. After a little bit you'll feel a little strength and you can sit upright easily. Then form a triangle with your hands in front of your face (thumbs at the bottom, fingers for the sides) Open your thumbs slightly and breathe in slowly then close them and breathe out. Do this for each finger all the way to the pinky and then back until you get to the thumbs again. Now drop your hands and close your eyes and just allow your mind to settle.





After you have reached this relaxed state, take your problems one at a time as if picking them up off of a table. Don't dwell on them, just see them and put them back down one at a time. You should be able to see that they are not really ';you'; now. They are separate from you.





Now return your focus to nothing. You should feel better. Your problems are outside of you now.





Practice this a couple of times a day. Soon you will be able to take that relaxed state with you. You can summon it anywhere in any situation. Things will start to look much better and the headaches will be just a memory.





Meditation is just as important as breathing, drinking and eating. It comes naturally but most people have forgotten about it.Help me, I need to get rid of this thought NOW?
lots of people are that way. what we think. what we say.





sometimes saying something stupid and obvious, instead of something meaningful about ourselves.. you want to talk to people for real, but all they can talk about is meaningless 'chit-chat'. you want to get to know people, and let them into your lives, while they just want entertainment to take up time.





unfortunately, many people your age don't think the way you do and like to have silly conversations. you're over thinking, i can't say that that's a bad thing really... it's good, but it's not the same as the people you are surrounded by, so it's hard to talk to them, or to be interested in anything that they are talking about.
Thats not a big enough reason to die. Stop whining
NO dont kill yourself what you should do is practise talking everyday build up a sentence before you start one and try to make friends with ur old friend again and atleast try to talk to the person sitting next to you please dont kill yourself that would just scream VICTORY to ur enemies and if it makes you feel any better heres a joke:some people wear superman pajamas but superman wears chuck norris pajamas :)
It sounds like you have an incipient schizophrenia. (that is, you are BEGINNING to show signs of having schizophrenia).





this is a chemical imbalance and can probably be corrected. At the same time, you can also fight it using traditional therapy. But what you CAN'T do is correct it alone.





So talk to your parents, convince them that you would like to talk to a therapist, or even a psychiatrist, just to be sure. It may be something that can be corrected.





The problem here is that if you DO have schizophrenia, the disease itself LENDS itself to putting you in denial. (for example ';Karen, you have schizophrenia';. ';NO I DON'T! You're lying! You're just trying to control me! You just want to RETALIATE against me!';)





If you do have schizophrenia, it's very easy to think anyone and everyone who tells you that is part of a vast network of conspirators working to convince you that you have it.





I used to have a roommate like that. It was heartbreaking because when he first moved in, he seemed like a pretty decent guy. Then as the weeks rolled by, it became obvious he had a problem.
I know you don't want to talk to someone e.g. counseling, but this really sounds like an anxiety disorder, which is leading to depression. It might not be what you want to do, but if it's really bothering you that badly right now, I think Prozac would really help. Come up with some excuse and see your doctor? What you say to your doctor is privileged information. He cannot tell your parents if you say he cannot (as long as you don't seem suicidal to him)..... Don't think that if you take it at one point in your life you're suddenly a crazy/ chronically depressed person or something. They give prozac for OCD and all kinds of other things too.





As for Ms. Popular......ehm... it seemed like most of the really popular girls in high-school never went to college and are now leading mediocre lives. Popularity is overrated. As long as you have some friends, don't buy into it.








And for conversation topics, Do you have any idea of things that person likes? Popular culture references? If you feel like you've really forgotten how to socialize, maybe watch tv and picture how you would respond in a given character's situation. Visualizing is an excellent tool for practicing things.





And a final point... At fourteen, moodiness is pretty much inevitable for everyone.... you might just being going through a rougher patch than most. When you're older it'll seem funny how you were then....(realizing that this last bit is probably absolutely useless to you :/ )
Oh honey, this friend of yours was verbally and emotionally abusive to you and even though you think others don't see it.....they eventually will see what you see. I think alot of what you're going through is anxiety. Tell yourself this will pass.....because it will.


Listen to me..................When you see this girl.....make sure you always look happy whether your alone or with a friend whoever. If she sees you unhappy in anyway then she wins. Just smile all the time and act positive......she will wonder why you are so happy and how you are not upset.


It WILL work and above all girlfriend......love yourself for who you are with all you good and bad. No one is perfect, everyone has secrets, bad habits, crazy thoughts, and things they are ashamed and some just take it worse than others because they care more.


Hang in there and smile!


Good luck
Try to be in the midst of pious people. They surcharge the atmosphere with divinity. Or else try to be close to natural scenarios like a mountain, river, forest, beautiful garden, ocean beach. See the clear sky and get fulfillment on seeing the vast open space. Expand your pure heart to accommodate that vastness of the space which you observe. Breath well expanding your heart. Inhale fresh air, retain the fresh air, and after a while exhale. This is a kind of exercise. Try to join some Yoga classes. They teach more about physical health and mental health.





The basic idea is if you live close to ';Nature';, you will be easily able to get back your originality.
you cant die now ... your 14...


i didn't get you much but let me say this ... your living , in meaning your not a rock just siting you move you walk you fall you jump everything you do is a story you can go to skool the next day and say i had the best dinner yesterday everr ,, or i was running to fast yesterday that the fall felt like a crash ... in meanng there's NOWAY we'll ever runout of things to say


and though these conversations may seem silly and normal but there the things that start a relationship ..you want to bond with someone start with them ..trust me