But I just don't understand the logic behind that. How do the boy and the girl get to know each other well in a short span of time? I personally feel children should be given liberty to love and marry someone but with proper advice. Can you please share your thoughts?What do you think about parents arranging marriages for their children?
What is Love? It is a combination of Physical, Emotional Psychological and a combination of all this makes a perfect marriage.
Love commences generally with physical attraction we marry and do not give enough time to the other two requirements that is emotional and psychological to groom simultaneously and occasionally start looking for it somewhere else and is the beginning of signs of strain.
In the modern society educated parents and children understand the necessity to develop the relation before arranged marriages. Arranged marriage is a collective initiative with our approval and has the love, support and backing of all concerned parties like the boys parents, the girls parents, cousins, relatives, etc and this support systems helps to bind the relation in the initial stages IF it shows any signs of strains and helps to sustain the marriage in the initial stages and gradually it flourishes physically, emotionally and psychologically.What do you think about parents arranging marriages for their children?
I think it's great. My parents didn't bother to do that for me and now i am old and single.
I AGREE WITH UU
I think its stupid. Someone should have the choice to get married and to get married to who they want. Not their parents choice.
Do you think that it is a sin to arrange marriage for their children?
It is not always.
They do it taking as their responsibility and nothing else.
But as you say, children should be given some liberty to make their own choices, especially with regard to marriage.
Parents should change their attitude with the changing time and trend, especially now in 21 century. They need not impose their principles or authorities on their children, but they can guide them if necessary.
Arranged marriages were done so far in a mechanical way.
What we did not think so far is that both Parents and children never sat together to exchange their thoughts. Better we start conducting frequent family meetings in all subjects now, the elders share the thoughts of their children and guide them with logical advise.
I second your thought my dear.
I have already applied this idea to my son and asked him to go ahead.
Whatever may be the idea of arranged or love marriage, the parents of both side should be informed about the activities of their children to avoid any consequential problems, such as sex before marriage, child birth before marriage, running away of boy or girl after having secret sex in the name of irresponsible dating before marriage, which are illegal and detrimental to social discipline. The dating shall be restricted to know each other well but not to indulge in other objectionable activities.
Excess in anything is bad.
It tells me that they would never trust their childrens decision to find their own spouse, they do it themselves.
This has been done for thosands of years with a lot of them being very happy ones. My brothers wife was chosen by the church (I do not practice his religion) twice and the first on ended in divorce. I the United States if you don't want to go along with a arranged marriage you just don't get married, but you risk losing the relationship with your parents.
Parents arranging matrimonial meetings should be ok, but it should You who decide whether you want to go along with the person or not.
At times it is good to go for this kind of arranged meetings because, you have some information and idea about the person and a family. more important, parents are equally responsible for the relation you are going to bind.
As a matter of fact, mine is arranged *** love marriage.i saw my hubby for the first time during arranged meeting. Then my parents saw him and denied for the relation. But i fall for him. I decided, i will marry him only. And finally took a year to got the thing official.
So you know.. it's always luck.
Believe in your instinct.
I guess that it just depends on the culture in which you are raised. I personally would never choose my daughters spouse. That's not my decision to make.
In my country we don’t do arrange marriage so it sounds strange for us. But I can say you one thing, marry only if know the person very very well or else don’t do....
I actually think it could be a good thing, my pick was dodgy so maybe they could do better!! I'd let them have a crack at it!!
I THINK POSTIVE ABOUT PARENTS ARRANGING MARRIAGES FOR THEIR CHIDREN BECAUSE THEY HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE OF LIFE THEY SEE ABOUT FUTURE FOR THEIR CHILDREN BUT BOY AND GIRL ARE EMOTIONAL IN LOVE
This is good thing if parents are happy to marry their children according to their way but the boy and girl also understand each other before bonding for maintain the charisma of marriage.
It is an ideal recruitment of the most suitable life partner in all respect leaving no stone unturned which are overlokked in love marriages. When everything is satisfactory, then only the boy %26amp; the girl are allowed to see each other to clear all doubts before finalising %26amp; saying yes or no. if both are not lovable, either of the two says no %26amp; matter ends there. No first sight love is ever successful for whole life, I say with certainty. Most of the loves between boys %26amp; girls only, end up in premarital sex making girls pregnant only, it is reality, we read daily on Y/A, a tip of the iceberg.
The best is love marriage, but arranged by parents and elders with their blessings. There can be chances when boys and girls out of their infatuation, take rapid decision for themselves. It is not enough that boys and girls know each other, but their families should know each other too. In India, the marriage is not only between two individuals, but also between two families.
Parents should guide children regarding this and in order to work towards the good of their children, they have to throw away all their ego and stubbornness.
Every marriage is and should be a love marriage, however arranged by parents. Love is the first condition for a valid marriage.
I would never trust my parents to pick out a partner for me.
The last time my mother tried to set me up on a blind date with one of her friend's sons, it was the worst date of my entire life. The guy was arrogant, selfish and completely boring. There was nothing remotely interesting or attractive about him, either physically or emotionally. The next time she wanted me to meet another friend's son, I met him at a mutual friend's wedding and we also had nothing in common. There's a difference between who parents THINK you would be attracted to, and who you actually are attracted to
i think girl or boy should decide that wid whom they wanna get married afterall they are parties to marriage and they must know each other as it is question of their whole life.it is always better to choose right thing for yourself rather than blamming others for spoiling there life
worst method of marriage
yes
It has been working successfully for generations.
Failures are in everything.
Arranged marriages amongst Hindus today are not forced upon the individuals. Parents have their children's best interest at heart and check the background of the person and gain the approval of the two parties involved before going ahead with the marriage. The boy and girl get to meet and discuss their views in privacy aswell. It is good because their is a certain family reputation at stake. The whole idea of men and women meeting and getting to discover eachother over a couple of years and then deciding whether they want to marry is useless. When it ends a person feels shattered, disgusted and used.
A marriage is about adjusting and making compromises. Getting to know the person is a part of that journey. If you have an ideal in your mind that you put on a pedestal no person will ever meet that ideal. That is why most love marriages end in breakups and arranged marriages last longer, mostly a lifetime.
There are scientific studies today that suggest that the love stories in movies put an unrealistic ideas of love in the minds of people and are responsible for dissatisfaction with your mate and for broken marriages.
I'm not opposed to love marriages as such but he two people involved should be mature enough to pick the right person and have a deep understanding of each other. In such a case parents wouldn't and shouldn't oppose either.
yes parents should not do arrange marriages because then the boy and the girl would notknow each and thier will be problems in their love life as well as sex life
Ya your are correct. In (g)olden days arranged marriages proved to be preferred. As the times changed with somany environmental, jobwise,livingstyle changes love marriges seems to be preffered to arranged marriages. Both have ads and disads. If u jot down the effects of both only Love marriages will score better. Keep aside the love marriages and arranged marriages. I would say that Love marriage means choosing a girl / boy as per the taste of the boy or girl and arranged marriage means choosing a girl / boy as per the taste of the parents / guadians only. If we can draw a line, you may clearly notice the advantage of the Love marriage. In both marriages understanding each other is also important. What ever may the the game remember you r the player and you have to win the game.
It's great until you can't find one for yourself.
Sorry, I am tired a lot I could have given a long explanation about it. But all I wanna say is do what your heart says either arrange or love marriage.
I think its good especially if children are not able to find their own match.I have heard so many stories from my frinds that they met thier life partners through their friends. Its not much different than that. You meet someone through parents and if you like that person you get married if not politely decline. I met my dear husband through my parents and we are very happy with each other. We were given enough time to decide if we want to get married to each other or not. The thing I do not like is when parents force something on their children otherwise I feel it really works.
first off in arranged marriages the ';children'; DO have the option to decline the marriage. There are many factors in arranged marriages, the family, is the woman pure.... etc. Indians believe that when 2 people marry not only are they marrying each other but each others family. If a man or woman do not want an arranged marriage then they dont have to although most of the time this will upset the parents. Indian culture is much more family oriented then any other culture ( i believe) As far as arranged marriages go i am all for it as long as this is what the couple wants. It is sad though that alot of people do not want the arranged marriage and the parents do, yet the kids go along with it because they do not want to upset their parents.
I think it's dumb. If u don't know ur kids, it's a stupid thing to do. Especially nowadays, when kids n parents lead different lives and kids don't always tell thier folks EVERYTHING. Parents always want to think of their kids in the most innocent sense, and will treat them that way. The kids will just oblige out of respect and security. Due to this, parents don't bother to tell their kids how serious marriage is, and just go with the flow. Thinking, well, we didnt know each other much, n we're fine, so what' good for us is good for our kids. Then they wonder y the kids want out after a month or two, or there's the forced marriage, and then the parents just want the kids to be happy. Stop forcing them to get married then!
Arranged marriages only work if u marry someone u essentially grew up with. Someone whom u know in ur town. ANd, it takes honesty. Not total, but on big things. U cant just say, oh, it'll work out in the marriage, u really have to think and evaluate what u want. So many times the parents choose the spouse they want for their kids, and then when things dont work, the kids are caught in the middle. Ppl are too dynamic these days, with an explotion of globalization going on. Everyone's going and coming abroad, and all haVe stereotypes locked and loaded in their heads, so then calamity will ensure.
Even if u both are from the same place, u see things and want ato immitate, and ur partner may not see fit to that. I think even with arrangement, one needs to know thier partner for atleast six months to a year before marriage, because humans are so eclectic now, and once married, u need to put the past to rest, so prior, u need to know what u can and can't deal with.
Well, if you have been around this forum long enough, you would be aware of my views on arranged marriage, see my questions and answers on this topic. In short, I cannot understand it, BUT I have seen it work. I do believe, that the ones that work are in the minority and the ';lucky'; ones, who get a nice person and good family. I think most of them are unhappy, unfulfilled and a desperately lonely place to be. The reasons for staying together, however, the strong cultural community obligation, is what keeps it together, but that does not mean it is a necessarily happy liaison. Indian are very good at covering up/hiding their misery, saying that this is their destiny and so be it. The pressures to stay together are immense. I think it's all a sham really. And a shame.
Yes Captain Jac...!
My views are:
U belong 2 a country which might b modern/developed in living style/standard unlike India. Ours is a developing one. Here is the difference !!! It's absolutely clear that Divorce is common at yr end, while we here in India have some social values in most of the families and divorce will b the last resort we will embracein case their marriage lives are not successful or it becomes difficult for them to manage it. But that's not so in developed countries like yrs ! Isn't it?
I have two grown-up children for whom I w'd have 2 arrange their marriages in due course. We cannot give absolute freedom to them as per our ';Sanskars';; i.e. our traditional values. We will not mind if they propose someone and we take further processing to enble us to materialise. But offcourse, our children will not have their independent decisions. They will take us into consideration of the matrimonial proposals and as per our social norms, we will proceed and that will b the right direction whatsoever the outcome may be. We will anticipate a normal life for them to go ahead and b successful in their lives.
I'm sure, u will go through my views in the right perspective...All the best Captain....
Indian2010
09.03.2009
You follow the advice of your parents, If you have anybody in your mind sit with your parents and clear them what you choose is right then there won't be any problem. Discussing and solving the issues arises and clearing other mind with answer is the only way to be successful.
Marriage means cooperation b/w the girl and boy alongwith hier families so there should be satisfaction/advice/love from all..
